God has melted down my golden calf

and from it formed my coffin.

It now holds my dead body

as it held my dead affection.

For All Who Hate Religion

I came across this today and had to share! 

My hat is off to the poetic talent and beautiful articulation of this young man...

'Nuf said

Adopted

God gave me a beautiful piece of understanding this morning of what it means to be His child. When I have thought of the fatherhood of God in the past, it has typically been in the sense of trying to grasp that He wants to provide for me and that I can and should ask Him for what I need. I have also thought of our Father God in the sense that He gave life to me and all of His children. This morning, He added to my understanding of His Father's heart. He showed me that He doesn't get caught up on my failures. Kids disobey, they are consistently disciplined, and their behavior reforms over time. Never once does their loving parent throw up their hands and stop loving their child. They may feel frustration, they may become angry, but they never love their child less. And when they see their child trying to obey, their compassion is great on them when they do fail. And when their child overcomes an incorrect behavior, how much sweeter the victory because it was a struggle and they prevailed!

Why do I assume that God is more preoccupied by my disobedience than my obedience, my failures than my successes, my falls than my risings? He showed me today that this is not the case. He sees my shortcomings, but He also sees my heart that longs to please Him and, of the two, He is more preoccupied by the longings of my heart.

How glorious is this display of His patience and His power! He is able to reform a life such as mine! In this, His power is made known! And He is willing to do so which shows His incredible patience! Even my swerving, stumbling walk brings Him glory. Because I am walking toward Him. I do not comprehend how that moves His heart. When all I can see is how I'm not getting it right, He sees only His beloved daughter.

Click here to listen to "I Knew What I Was Getting Into" by Misty Edwards.

"O Lord, you have searched me and know me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and you right hand shall hold me. If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,' even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you."(Psalm 139.1-12).

Life As We Don't Know It

The Father is exceedingly good to those that love Him. He promises that they will be "like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit." (Jeremiah 17:8). To those whose trust is the Lord, their security is complete and unceasing; their inheritance is continuous refreshment.

I look forward to the day when my patient Lord brings to completion the work He has begun in me. I have started to glimpse the kind of freedom that exists when my roots sink into the water bed. But even tonight I wrestled again with some very familiar insecurities. Insecurities which of course are based entirely on my own merit and whether or not I measure up to the standards of the culture around me. Insecurities which are purposed only with promoting and protecting my pride.

At these moments I must admit that even while my heart sings the praise of my beautiful God, my flesh is still really attached to singing my own praises. Thankfully, He is not deterred by pride; He simply promises to humble it. And I can trust that He will accomplish all that He has promised.

I consider for a moment life as I haven't known it. A life where security is found, not in any temporary thing, but in the reality of God's unfailing love. Love which flows like a river, satisfying those planted along its banks. College degrees, promotions, friends on Facebook, houses, cars, and beauty are not bad things. But if that is where my security and trust lie, I am sure to experience difficult droughts. For they cannot satisfy a thirsty heart. After years of chasing narrow streams such as these, it is so refreshing to bathe my soul in the deep water. This is life as I have not known it. This is life to the full.

Skin Time

Skin time with the Almighty God, my loving Father, is indescribable. It is the moment when the realm of this earth falls away. The kiss of Heaven takes over, replacing the stunted reality in which I live daily. And in this moment, I am enveloped in truth. Truth which I don't understand, but is similar, I'm sure, to that which caused Isaiah to cry out “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.” Truth which uncovers the muted partial-existence which I have adopted as acceptable - even desirable. It exposes the dim distractions which I have exalted and pursued in the stead of an unfathomable glory, the glory of the Uncreated One.

Here, as I lay on my floor and listen to the rain pouring just on the other side of my open door, I am convinced of two things. He is my delight. And I am His.

My mind grapples with this concept, for it does not make sense to a finite, logical mind. Yet I am certain. There is not even an argument in my mind, just wonder. I am utterly convinced. I raise my hands in praise, and laughter overwhelms me as He responds in the rain! It rushes and thunders now, replacing the gentler rain preceding it. I speak my heart to Him, worshiping Him, and a small, direct wind brushes my face. He has lavished good things upon me, I rejoice in Him.

He longs to draw close to His people! It is His glory to move in and through our mortal lives. It shows that He is alive, alert, and active. He is not as an idol that is powerless to answer prayer. He shows who He is by responding! FOR HIS NAME'S SAKE He is abundantly, extravagantly good to us! He pours out His Spirit on all peoples and offers Himself to all who seek Him. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled." He will satisfy all who place their hope in Him.

I begin to let go. After all, what have I been holding on to? What could I possibly be chasing after or clinging to that compares with the surpassing glory offered to me by the sovereign Jesus? What has my ambition gained me? What does it win me to make my name greater than others? Am I not tired of trying to earn my value?

At first, it is uncomfortable to unlearn conformity. In the same way that wrists and ankles feel awkward for a time after shackles are removed, it is at first awkward to lay off the life-long internal bonds which I have practiced from childhood. I stretch these muscles which have long lain dormant. Freedom! How joyful it is to stretch out in freedom! I breath deeply the sweet, clean air. I fill my lungs with it! Realization is dawning that I am no longer condemned to a meaningless life! My value is irrefutable and not the least bit dependent on my ability to complete prerequisites.

I am the delight of the Almighty God. As are you. And it is His pleasure to display His greatness through showing us mercy.

So come listen to the rain. Spend some skin time with the One who knows you completely, and loves you just as completely.

Afternoon Nap

When I was a small child, I hated taking naps. It was torturous for me to lie still during the day no matter how tired I was. My mother used to take a nap with me and she would wrap her arms around me in an immovable grip to keep me still. No matter how much I squirmed and wiggled, I could not break free and eventually I would give up and fall asleep. We would repeat this routine daily and, even though I knew what the outcome would be, I always tried to escape being still. Now that I am older, I wish I would have appreciated those moments with my mom. I wish I would have taken advantage of the naps then for they are rare now!

And yet, I am still struggling against the loving arms which encourage me to be still. True, they are a different form these days. It is my Father, rather than my mother, who embraces me now. Still for my good, still for the purpose of rest and renewal and precious time together. I still know the outcome too. I know that eventually I will come to the point where it is impossible for me to ignore the desolation which my absence from Him has invited into my life. Eventually I must face the exhaustion which restlessness has caused. Eventually I must acknowledge the lonely, unsatisfied, conflicted state of my heart. It is in this moment that my fight to do things my way ceases and I fall asleep in my Father's arms.

My life relies on those patient arms. The ones that hold me daily while I put up my futile fight to hold on to my agenda. I don't deserve His enduring consistency. My distracted heart is not a fitting response to His faithful one. Just as with my mother, I expect that one day I will understand what I lost in those opportunities to rest in His embrace. But, beautifully, these opportunities are unending by the reality of His grace. He is teaching me that His arms are ever open, His heart the same.

My Psalm

Forgive my rebelling will, O my Lord
Forgive my shrinking heart and trembling hand
as I hold out my hopes and lay out my desire.

For not as I will
not as I will
That I may see and know what You would do!

Remind me, my Lord, of my identity
I am clay in Your hands, I will yield to Your touch
and be defined only by Your desire.

Remind me, my Lord, of my identity
that I am Yours
I surrender myself in my entirety
to the burning jealousy of Your love.

Only You may take residence
in the depths of my being
And I will wait on You
to teach me the desires of my heart.

None other may take hold
for I am all Yours
and the yearnings of my soul
will echo the call of Your voice.

I have been dashed on the rocks
and wounded by the fall
but I will rise and claim again
the promises You have sealed on me.

Hem me in and set the boundary lines,
enclose me with panels of cedar.
Encapsulate my heart with Yourself.

I have walked the line
between doing what I want and what I should
Now I let go of both
I step off the battlefield and into Your court.

Only in Your presence can I see clearly
Only here can I surrender the wants of my humanity
I want to surrender - I have become fond of that place
There I find intimacy with You.

Nothing on earth can compare
to the overwhelming beauty of Your countenance.
Your ferocious love undoes me
and I simply am.

I cannot live apart from You
I have tried, and nearly lost my life
I refuse to let go again
so I must release all else.